Tyrolean haute couture

Austria is a great place to go fancy dress shopping as there are racks of cheap leaderhosen for tourists. (No surprise there.)

What is slightly more surprising is the apparent market for high end traditional Tyrolean clothing in Austria. 

The largest ski town in this region is Kitzbuhl and it just oozes money. The hotels are expensive, the cafes are expensive, the tourists look rich and well fed. Even the dogs have expensive tastes.

So when you find a large store selling traditional clothing, right in the middle of the most expensive street in Kitzbuhl, it's a fairly good bet there must be money to be made. 

And to be fair, the clothes do look beautiful. Quite different to the cheap knock offs in the street stalls. I wonder how many people buy them while on holiday in a fit of enthusiasm, only to have it hang in their wardrobe unworn for the next decade back in Frankfurt.

50 shades of 'Schaulust'

Mysteries of the alps...

• What is this poster advertising?
• Why does her right ski have a knob on the end of it?
• And did the graphic designer intend for it to look like she is wearing striped thigh-high stockings?

The correct answer will win you a night of 'Schaulust' mit Getchen in ze alps.

Hobbits not catered for here

Bar design flaw #32...

The stool was so high I had to be lifted up onto it. Getting down wasn't elegant either.

But after a quarter litre of gluhwein I no longer cared about being elegant.

(Then again, I've never been accused of being elegant. Ever. Unless throwing red wine down the front of every shirt I own is the definition of elegance... If it is, then I'm Grace Kelly.)

Yes there are trees

One of Steve's other bucket list action items was "ski between trees".

This enough trees for you dear?

I feel like I'm being watched...

As you drive around a European farming region in winter, it all looks very empty. Eerily empty. You feel like something is missing but you can't quite put your finger on it. Until you remember that all the animals live inside in big barns during winter.

Which does lead to some amusing sights. Today we skied past some cows having a bit of R&R in the yard.

They must get pretty fed up with living inside in a barn for months. I reckon the farmer let these ones out just so he could prove a point... "See! I told you there was no grass out there Gertrude..."

When I lived at Zinting the back half of the house was full of animals: 12 cows, 3 pigs, 1 horse and an assortment of hens. It made for interesting times. One night when I was peeling potatoes and Elfriede was cooking dinner, Erhard called out for us to come into the barn. We raced through just in time to see the latest arrival - a baby calf - emerge into the world. Cool!

Erhard retired from farming about 10 years ago. He turned the back barn into a rumpus room for guests and opened 'Biwac' schnapps bar up the mountain. Compared to cows, schnapps = less work and more money. The way of our world.

But is it progress? Or is it a blip during prosperous times? With the way the ominous geopolitics in Europe are shaping up right now, I wonder.... Will the next generation rip out the rumpus room and turn it back into a barn for farming?

Smoke free Austria 2016

Amazingly, you can still smoke in bars in Austria. Which is why Steve is drinking his post-ski-run Gluhwein outside in the snow. Most of the ski field gasthofs look gorgeous on the outside but you die of asphyxiation the moment you open the door. I'd (almost) forgotten what it was like in the bad old days before NZ went smoke free in bars and restaurants.

Holland goes smoke free this year and next year it is Austria's turn. Based on the number of rather arrogant German skiers we have met in the past few days it could be a very interesting transition on the ski field next year.

Erhard (the husband of Elfriede) runs a small gasthof up the mountain called Biwac. It's tiny (fits about 15 people inside) and is a fabulous place to drink schnaps in between ski runs on a cold day. Well it was until Klaus and his buddies turned up and all started puffing.

Erhard & Elfriede are non-smokers. They don't let anyone smoke at Zinting (hooray!) and Erhard is really looking forward to the new law coming into effect so he doesn't have to put up with it at work either.

Long live the smoke free revolution.

Freed from the attic

Elfriede (owner of Zinting) kindly put us in one of my favourite rooms, on the corner of the house with a terrace overlooking the valley.

You can't look at the view too long though or you dissolve into a pile of goo...

When I lived here I was in the attic (like a good sculley maid would be). I had the same view, but through a much smaller window.

The other crucial difference is that the guest rooms have central heating (mmm) whereas the attic doesn't. It's quite a novelty sleeping at Zinting without the need for 5 blankets and bed socks.

Day 1 done - no chopper in sight

Photo of us celebrating the fact that Steve survived a day's skiing without getting a chopper off the mountain. (Really).

With the titanium souvenir in his leg (courtesy of Cardrona) Steve had been rather nervous on the first few runs and I'd been hovering around behind him as a virtual bright orange safety barrier doing my best to prevent him being run down by uber-fast German skiers.

Much to Steve's amusement the only person who fell over today was me. Twice! With my helmet and day-glo jacket it looked like a bowling ball going for a toboggan ride in a life raft. I'm all class.

What ez ee doing?

Steve pretending to ski.

Either that, or this is his world record attempt at a long distance fart on the guy in the yellow jacket.

Either works.

Those poor policeman

Feel a moment's pity for the poor policemen stationed at the Kirchberg police station. Hell of a location. Snow at the front door, cute baroque church on the hill, and 20 cafes and bars across the road.

Actually, on second thoughts, it probably IS a hell posting, with lots of drunk apres-skiers in the vicinity.

(Not to mention idiots from the antipodes leaping around carparks trying to catch bloody snow flakes...)

It's snowing!

Steve was VERY excited the moment it started to snow. He was standing in a carpark in Kirchberg (Austria) with a huge grin on his face, trying to catch snowflakes.

He grew up in Adelaide's 40 degree heat so it's one of those life experiences he's never had. It's also one of the reasons we are here. So he can tick "get snowed on" off his bucket list.

And lucky for us, we awoke this morning to a perfect blue sky day. The pic is the view from our bedroom window at Bergastof Zinting, above Brixen im Thale.

(For those of you who don't know, Zinting is the place I worked at 22 years ago as a chambermaid / kitchen hand. Great job. I worked a few hours at both ends of the day, went skiing from 10 - 3, and lived with a lovely couple who treated me like a member of the family. Yep, I lucked out with that job. Everyone else I knew who worked the winter season that year seemed to be only one step above slave labour.)

No longer short

Love those short doors from the middle ages. In the olden days I might have been considered tall and willowy.

(Well, maybe not willowy...) But at least an average height stuffed capsicum. Surely.

Brrr

It's a bit nippy out there. I think it's time for an unplanned detour to the Munich Sofitel before we head into the alps tomorrow. (Oooo they have a hot pool, sauna and massage spa. Bugger...)

Zigaretten vending machine

Really?  In 2015?!

In Germany they still have cigarette advertising. It's bizarre to see billboards of happy couples sharing Gauloises and Lucky Strikes. 

It occurred to me today that the billboards look exactly like Coca Cola ads, but with cigarettes.  

Funny that. Given the damage cigarettes and soft drinks have both done to public health, should we be surprised they advertise the same way? With smiling young attractive couples who are clearly heading off to have hot sweaty sex as soon as they finish their 'zigaretten' or bottle of Coke. 

Halt! Tank speed limit ahead.

Driving through the German countryside, past traditional farm houses and snow covered woodland has the unfortunate side effect of causing bad 1950s American war movies to drift through your brain.

So it was all the more bizarre to keep seeing this street sign, which appears to put a speed limit on jeeps and tanks. WTF?

Grey is the new black!

Oooo. According to this hair salon, silver foxes are "in"!

There is hope. One day I might be allowed to give up black hair dye. I've mentioned the idea a few times (much to Steve's complete and utter horror). The difficulty of growing it out does make me hesitate. The "striped skunk look" isn't the best. But the end result could be cool.

I kind of like the idea of a flowing mane of silver hair (assuming that under all the dye I am lucky enough to have the same bright silver that my mother ended up with).

A dog's life

Being a dog in Europe is awesome. You get to wander through airports, lunch in restaurants and ride the subway. And some towns even provide official purpose-built doggy relief zones with a drain for oneses and a sandpit for twoses. Brilliant.

I think Annie would prefer to be German. So much more civilised. (Poppy wouldn't care, as long as there was food.)

Are you wearing your earbags?

Cold ears? No worries. Problem solved for just 2 euro.

Holy Schneeballs!

The local over-hyped delicacy is a Schneeballen, aka 'pie crust deep fried and rolled in sugar'.

And they are huge. Slightly smaller than a bowling ball.

Everyone at our gym is on the "Clean & Lean" paleo diet. This is the exact opposite. The "Binge & Burst"!

If I had been brave enough to try one I just might have exploded. (I wasn't and I didn't.) I gingerly backed away from the abyss.

Flash mobs

The only crowds we saw in Rothenburg traveled in packs.

Every couple of hours, a flash mob of Chinese wearing translation ear phones would envelop the main square and go into a photographic frenzy. Then just as suddenly they would disappear again, leaving behind a slightly stunned silence.

Rothenburg has worked out where all their Euro have gone. They are now displaying restaurant menus in Chinese, trying to lure them back.

Room with a chilly view

It might not look it, but if you stay on the balcony longer than 2 minutes your nose starts to freeze off.

It's been 25 years since I spent a winter in Europe and I'd forgotten what real cold feels like! Before venturing onto the streets we emptied our suitcase and put it all on. In my red windproof fleece I shared a passing resemblance to a stuffed capsicum.

It was worth it though... We got the uncrowded version of Rothenburg. Nearly empty streets. Unstressed shop keepers. Friendly cafes with a choice of window tables. And last week's snow dusting the city walls.

Harry Potter Land

Is it just me, or does everywhere in Europe now look like part of a Harry Potter film set?

Hail the triple willy

"Why were you in the restaurant bathroom so long?"

"Nothing to worry about - I was just examining a triple willy..."

Still my favourite street sign

"Uptight skinny woman with annoying toddler banned in this zone"

People's Republic of Confusion

Advantages of flying China Southern:

1. It’s cheap

2. Beef noodle soup for breakfast (mmm)

Disadvantage? The transit. 

Which started with a one hour march through the sprawling Guangzhou airport, escorted by a succession of efficient young patriots with walkie talkies and clipboards, via scowling customs officials with impressively status enhancing uniforms, only to end up in the transit lounge which was 50 metres from where the march started. [Our crime was to be on a flight that had a short domestic hop before the international connection continued.] 

But the uniquely Asian sense of fashion made up for it.  Mmm - pink ugg boots and a cartoon trackie - perfect.

Desperately seeking lederhosen

We are off again. Tomorrow we start the journey to Frankfurt via Guangzhou, for a three and a half week adventure in Germany, Switzerland and Austria. Once again, I'll be vigilantly seeking out the absurd and the inspiring. I hope you will join me as I laugh at what I find...

(... and a salute to Jools for encouraging me to have fun blogging again.)