Home sweet home

That's it folks. After the mega 36 hour journey back via China we are very happy to be home in wonderful, clean, green NZ.

We are so lucky to live here! The pervasive smog in China is unbelievable. Peering through it as we landed in Changsa and Guangzhou it occurred to me that some young Chinese may have lived their entire lives without ever seeing a true blue sky. (Maybe we should have donated our hotel's gas masks!)

Luckily for us we arrived back home before Cyclone Pam, so we are enjoying a few hours of sun and warmth before the rain and wind hits.

I hope you enjoyed reading the blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. See you soon.

Quick - grab the gas mask

Steve was overjoyed to discovered that our hotel room in Frankfurt came complete with two full size gas masks.

But not as happy as I was!

If he keeps dropping his guts (too many Frankfurters in Frankfurt) I might have to resort to using one of the gas masks in the middle of the night.

Bad soden the cow

I'm not sure what the cow icon is meant to represent on our GPS but it doesn't sound positive for Bessy to hang along too long in a town called Bad Soden.

Run Bessy run.

Is this the ugliest truck stop in Europe?

"WTF is that?" said my normally mild mannered husband as we cruised into our park at the autobahn truck stop.

The weird sculptures jutting off the building rivaled any oddity we have seen in NZ (hello Ohakune carrot) and Australia (yes, I'm talking about you giant koala, giant banana and giant rocking chair).

With bizarre decor inside and out, that appeared to have been hand-painted by an untalented 8 year old, it was an assault on the scenes, and not in a good way.

The 12 signs of the zodiac greeted us at the front door, along with a hang-gliding cousin of Einstein with a slight vampire appearance.

Why? Who the f&#k knows except the schizo who designed it all.

(King Ludwig II of Bavaria is suddenly looking very sane....)

Souvenir of the day award

... and the winner is the Baviarian beaver cappella trio!

It smells like pine!

"Really? Gosh. Good to know dear."

You can take a boy away from his chainsaw but not for too long...

Target rich environment

The castle was the main attraction but the Chinese tourists were a close second.

For your viewing pleasure I am pleased to unveil the secrets behind a successful Chinese holiday snap slideshow...

Technique 1: The selfie-stick selfie

Technique 2: The self-love-selfie

Technique 3: The crucifix

Technique 4: The one legged crucifix (difficulty level two)

Technique 5: The one legged fly from a bench (difficulty level three)

Technique 6: The synchronised selfie & action shot

Technique 7: The double synchronised selfie with food (difficulty level four)

Technique 8: The Chairman Mao

Technique 9: The 'sieg heil' pose

Technique 10: The raised V

(...and Steve trying to keep a straight face)

Disney on ice

The famous Neuschwanstein castle. Just as impressive as I imagined. Particularly combined with snow capped peaks.

Inside it's very odd. But then I guess there was a reason the King "mysteriously" died by "falling accidentally" in a cold lake one day after they declared him mentally unfit to rule. Funny that. Royals that upset the status quo and bankrupt the royal coffers seem destined for such accidents. But I guess Ludwig II got the last laugh given the castle now gets 1.8 million visitors a year.

And thankfully, we went in the quiet season so it was only us and 50 of our closest friends in the ticket queue, rather than 5000.

Milking it

Steve just about collapsed with laughter when he say this product in the milk section of the local supermarket.

I guess when cows go on strike they turn to Hank & Klaus to fill the gap...

The cow and I

Cows are an icon here in Bavaria (and in Austria and in Switzerland) so no surprise then to find Bessy immortalized on a handbag.

After eating mountains of cheese at almost every meal for the past three weeks - including an amazing Swiss cheese fondue three days ago - I can barely look a cheese platter in the eye.

I think it's finally tipped my cheese loving gene over the edge.

(Sorry Bessy but I think you and I need a trial separation...)

Fancy an Almdudlee?

Yeah, me neither.

Vending surprise

A vending machine with wine and beer. What a great idea. Beats drinking coke!

(On the other hand, I can't imagine the vino is anything drinkable... so maybe water would be the wiser choice)

Vote for Bob

Translated, this book is titled "Bob's view of the world".

I wonder if Bob's got any cunning ideas on the how to solve the Greek fiscal crisis... Better mousetraps? Taxing all rodents?

Bob for EU President.

Nein!

No dear. You are NOT getting a motorbike for your 55th birthday.

No matter how much you might daydream about your easy rider days at the tender age of 22...

How about a pink road bike instead?

Germany - the capital of solar power

Germany must have an impressive rebate scheme on solar panels because we have seen HUGE solar panel arrays in most rural areas - sometimes taking up entire fields.

Frozen lake

When I booked our hotel (near Fussen) the website images showed a view of a brilliant blue lake. Somehow it never occurred to me that the view in winter would be all white. Beautiful in a whole other way.

Flag wars

The Swiss like flying the flag.

Some get rather large...







Maybe there is a 'flag arms race' going on in this village..?

Swiss hunde fashion

Meet 'Czarna' the gorgeous Swiss dog who lives with Beatrice's parents. She joined us for a family dinner at Beatrice & Tjeerd's apartment.

Note the booties. Each one has a special grip surface that prevents her paws slipping on the wooden and tiled floors. Czarna isn't keen on wearing booties (how humiliating) but if it means she gets invited for dinner then she's up for it.

At Aunty Beatrice's house she has a choice of three mats (there are two visible in the pic below and the third is a palatial deep fluffy basket in the master bedroom) plus a selection of soft toys.

Steve has finally accepted that maybe - just maybe - my dogs are NOT the most pampered pooches on the planet.

(Phew. Maybe I can sneak in a trip to the hunde shop without him noticing...)

Gay times with Hank und Klaus

OMG. Is this the best postcard of all time???

Skating on the 3-72

Switzerland is so orderly that even inline-skaters get a numbered motorway system. Fabulous.

Icecream mysteries

It seems very odd but every cafe we have been to in Germany, Austria & Switzerland (and I mean EVERY cafe) has an 'eis' menu full of huge garish icecream treats.

More mysteries of ze alps:
- Why do Europeans want to eat icecream when it is -2 degrees outside?
- How do they fit it in after two bratwurst and a mountain of bread?
- Why is every eis menu a sickly pink colour? Truly - every icecream menu we've seen has been the exact same colour. Did I miss the UN declaration that pink is the international colour of icecream?

Easter eggs in drag

I thought this large supermarket display was Easter eggs. They are. Sort of. If you like your eggs boiled and painted.

Bit of a trap for the unaware, as they were sitting right beside piles of chocolate Easter eggs. That could ruin a 10 year old's day!

In Swiss and Austrian cafes we often saw table displays of pretty painted eggs. It took us ages to work out that the displays were boiled eggs and not something weirdly inedible or some innovative table decoration. The light dawned when we saw an old guy open a bright blue egg and munch away on it while enjoying his beer.

All the fun of the supermarket

Have you ever spent time in another country's supermarket? It's an amusement park in there.

Innovative displays and an exciting new world of weird and wonderful items. And yet more horrifying ways to sell mountains of fizzy water and sugar laden snacks.

But I adored this vegetable - a living example of the beauty of fractal formulae. What a work of art!

Steve went all gaa-gaa at the fish counter admiring the fact that he could eat trout fillets without applying for a iwi approved fishing permit and standing in a remote stream in the back blocks of NZ for a day.

Guerrilla knitters on the loose

The bronze goats get ear warmers and anklets. Sensational.

Yawn

Another day. Another stupidly lovely view.

Innovative roading design

Interlaken's next top (tourist) model

They start out looking like this....









And turn into this...

(Be afraid. The walking sleeping bag jacket might be the next big thing in Milan if the global Chinese tourist takeover continues...)

Hooters!

Bad taste bars are the same the world over. Even in swanky Interlaken...

Insulting name. Discount drinks. And two old horny guys scoping the local talent. All the bar needed was a couple of young dudes with too much testosterone to complete the cliche.

Oh look! A group of paraglider tandem instructors just landed. (Interlaken is looking more like Queenstown's twin sister with every passing minute!)

Base jumping paradise

A friend who base jumps told us to visit Lauterbrunnen. We did as we were told and drove up a nearby valley to check it out.

Wow. Sheer cliffs everywhere. It was impossible to get a pic of the scale. The ones in this pic are only the baby foothills. But you get the idea.

I think we just worked out why he hangs out at the "Horner Bar" in Lauterbrunnen each spring.

Skiing below the Eiger

Finally a fine day in Grindelwald and we were able to get in a bit of skiing.

This pic was taken looking back up towards the Jungfraujoch 'top of Europe' observatory. See that small pimple on the left side of the saddle? That's the five story observatory.

And just in case the mountains don't look that big, check out the size of the ski lifts in the bottom of the second pic.

Amazing views.

Bloody cold though. It was -7 degrees and windy when I took these pics so it seemed much colder.

Thank god for trees on European skifields. Down below the treeline it was much more pleasant.

(Blair, that's your Dad in the bottom pic, going ooo-aah at the trees)